Illuminating the Text with Jousting Monkeys (or more accurately, how to write your Statement of Purpose without losing your mind completely)

Ok, so it's a Jousting Monkey King (and not quite medieval, but who cares?)

I finished the first draft of my Manuscript Illumination (hereafter known as "that awful SOP that should be eternally burned in the Dante'esque fires of the ninth circle of Hell"), and am stalling, procrastinating, and trying to distract myself completely from beginning work on the second draft*. My beloved Palfrey Mare, has of course, been quite helpful in this endeavor, by supplying me with external distractions that provided me with the perfect excuse to not sit down and actually illuminate (even if it's only monkeys). The first distraction was a nice long bout of the 'flu (with medieval proportions of self-pity i.e. "I have a fever so will not go out and tend to my crops, and be damned the Earl-of-Somewhere-or-Another*** for his high tithes!!!"). The second distraction was the delayed "special express courier" (whom I think misunderstood his own job title) who has been inexplicably delayed in furnishing me with my brand new laptop (without which, of course, I refuse to perform revisions, since my old computer is just not good enough for the job****).

The current and third distraction (which should actually be non-distracting, since it's at least an academic distraction) is daydreaming about the International Congress of Medieval Studies in Kalamazoo that I might be attending (and presenting a paper in) in May 2011. Very exciting stuff. My first conference, first paper presentation (obviously, I'm not counting the two hour talk I gave on the evolution of the Arthurian Legend - including slide show and Monty Python quotes - in FantasyCon, Tel Aviv, in 2007, since I doubt that there was an actual medieval scholar in the audience), so all thoughts of continuing to illuminate my SOP have gone down the (medieval) drain. (Question, were there drains in medieval architecture? Authorities say yes.)



This is, of course, not counting the normal day-to-day distractions provided by my trusty Palfrey Mare - my primary job (in which I mostly use the time to complete other necessary things, such as composing this blog), my secondary job (in which I try to hammer as much esoteric protection against the Demons of SAT & GRE into my student's brains as possible, including marking up their juvenile attempts at essays with occult symbols that would have made Newton proud), and my tritary job (which involves the general English education of a ninth grader, which I will no longer mention, since it gives me a headache just to think about it). Jobs aside, there is the more generalized distraction of my Palfrey Mare bucking and trying to hurl me off her back continuously, since she seems to be quite opposed to my newly discovered "I'm taking you in hand" approach (my not-so-trusty Palfrey Mare seems to think that she's in charge. I haven't managed to disabuse her of that notion quite yet).

Illumination - Animals Jousting ( from the Macclesfield Psalter MS)

However, back to the SOP, filled with illuminations of wisdom and beauty (such as various animals jousting away at each other*****). I, taking my cue from a successful applicant to Berkeley's History PhD, began the SOP with a quote. It was a good quote, from a well respected Arthurian scholar (hurrah for R.S. Loomis, RIP!). Obviously, I thought I was very clever in finding the perfect quote that guides my passion for the Arthurian legend, and perhaps gives those Senior Knights in the Adcomm Round Table an idea of why I want to pursue the Holy Grail and focus my quest on everything Arthur. Reading the SOP again, however, I realized that a large part of my research interests was overlooked by this quote (i.e. the Crusades and Crusading literature), and that now I'm not quite sure how to incorporate them back in. Also, it's way too long (nearly 3 pages). And I make the unfortunate mistake of baldly stating that I hope to follow in C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkein's footsteps (since they were both Medieval Lit professors, and wrote fiction, sometimes for children). It has been pointed out to me that it is completely gauche to state this, since their scholarship is a. utterly outdated, and b. they're old white dudes that didn't appreciate queer theory or the new groundbreaking Medieval deconstructionist theories. So now, I am reconsidering just about everything I've written (while actively procrastinating).

So how can it be done? Is it even possible to write an SOP without going completely insane, throwing a massive hissy fit (i.e. "May those Senior Knights at @insert Order of Knights here@ be cursed to the end of all days, this is worse than being stuck in an Iron Maiden for a year, and I don't want a Holy Grail after all! I just want to stay home and watch House M.D. and Grey's Anatomy and eat as much Ben & Jerry's Phish Food as possible!"), having a nervous breakdown, undergoing a crisis of confidence (a threat to any Holy Grail queste applicant, medieval literature or not), and giving up on the dream completely? 

Supposedly it is. Many have done so before me, and have courageously faced the daunting task of grappling with the SOP beast. I try to take heart from their bravery, and to emulate their actions. Since the SOP is such an important part of the application scrolls (that, and the dreaded Writing Sample, i.e.The Fire Breathing Dragon), it is vitally important to write it well.

These are the steps I am following to get through this process with my sanity intact (and without my Palfrey Mare bucking hysterically to drop-kick me off her back, obviously):

1. Start early. I mean really early. If deadlines are between late November and early January, start in August. Or even before. I've been thinking about the SOP since April.
2. Let the SOP really "cook" and develop in my mind before writing a single solitary word (the first draft of my SOP was written after three months of thinking about it, and reading a LOT of research on Arthuriana, and then developing a brainstorm after watching Kingdom of Heaven - a horribly bad film, but that gave me some spectacular ideas - well, that and Geraldine Heng's Empire of Magic).
3. Find the perfect quote that encompasses passion for my particular subject matter as completely as possible (for me, Arthuriana and its connection to Crusade literature and to other aspects of medieval culture).
4. Just write the first draft without any internal editing.
5. Send it to trusty and patient friends for comments (obviously, these friends should have some experience with SOPs, and even better, your subject).
6. Revise. Revise. Revise. Re-think. And then revise again (in between revisions, continue bugging said trusty and patient friends. Cajole, beg, and threaten if necessary. If all else fails, promise to buy them many many drinks, and to hold their hair out of their faces when they throw up in a ditch after aforementioned alcoholic binge).
7. Send to professors who I've already bugged about letters of recommendation. I mean, I've already bugged them. Why not bug them again? Revise according to comments.
8. Make revisions according to school - after all, the SOP that is applicable for the Holy Order of Knights of Yale is not applicable to The Most Noble Order of Knights of Northwestern. Different Senior Knights, different aspects of why they can help me achieve my holy grail.
9. Spell check everything.
10. Proofread at least 107 times for syntax errors and stupid mistakes such as "I am applying to Cornell because" when the SOP version is actually for University of Virginia.

Of course, I may be completely mistaken. But so far, this has been the best route for me (of course, my SOP is not yet completed, but I'm planning on doing just as stated above!).

Next time - the SOP part II - the actual revision. Perhaps even how to begin tackling that Fire-Breathing Dragon named the Writing Sample (actually, it's several fire breathing dragons, but by this point, who's counting???). Hopefully, the attempted taming of my Palfrey Mare will continue well, and no wilde rydes will be thrust upon me over the next few days (aside from the aggravation of waiting for the so called express courier who is holding my laptop hostage...)



* including refusing to look at comments sent to me by my extremely patient friends back in the States, and not beginning to revise the SOP until ALL comments from my patient friends back in the States are in my Inbox**.
** Since carrier pigeons have gone out of style.
*** Insert appropriate title. Sandwich could work, except he wasn't medieval.
**** i.e. it has not been sanctified by the Pope, or given a relic from a Pardoner, or even prayed for by a Benedictine monk (let alone a Cistercian one).
*****Thanks to Carl Prydum of Got Medieval who has supplied me with many examples of amusing marginalia for this metaphor, and is always amusing and interesting, and has somehow become my hero for medieval-related-stuff blogging.