The Million Dollar Question: The Chicken or the Egg (or Why a Queste for a Holy Grail, anyway?)

The Chicken or the Egg? (rather, the Cock or the Hen in this case...)

Procrastinating writing the second draft of my SOP is a highly productive endeavor. It provides me with ample time to add continual posts that help me avoid actually sitting down and illuminating my text properly (i.e. perhaps find new essential quote so it starts with a Genesis-like-bang - after all, who can top "In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth"? especially if we ignore the second sentence...).

As an expert procrastinator* (revision 2 of SOP has now officially been postponed to this upcoming weekend, after which I am sure I will postpone it again to Yom Kippur, when I will supposedly have no distractions, and complete peace and quiet. My laptop has arrived, but my wireless home network is not operational yet, which is as good as an excuse as any to not do work this upcoming long weekend), I have decided to address the all important question that is asked of every PhD applicant around the world, when they proudly announce their plans of pursuing the Sangraal: "Why on earth are you going to do that?" It appears that the majority of the population, be they educated or not, think that we are completely and utterly insane, whether we are planning on questing after a Holy Grail in Political Science, String Theory (i.e. Physics) or in something as utterly impractical as Medieval literature.



Being a magnanimous human being, filled with charity and goodwill to my fellow man, I have decided to try and break down why I'm searching for the Holy Grail (I can't really speak for anyone else, after all). There are various reasons for this endeavor. However, first, there must be several disclaimers and protestations against the following rationalizations for going on said Queste:

1. Questing after the Holy Grail does not mean that I can't deal with the "real world" (although several people may protest to the contrary). I just much prefer Academia** for numerous reasons.
2. Questing after the Holy Grail does not mean that I will revert to a "student lifestyle" for the next 6-7 years. Sorry to disillusion you. PhD students will usually be found muttering to themselves in the library while taking copious amounts of notes and typing away furiously on their laptops, or chugging illegal amounts of coffee while grading freshman comp papers, rather than at the local keg party. Questing is a full-time job. Just like any other job. Except it's more flexible, and I get to study things I enjoy rather than proofreading Hebrish (i.e. Writing in English but with Hebrew Syntax) documents or writing Technical User Guides for the Start-Up I work for.

The Average Graduate Student  (medieval style)?

So since I'm not attempting to escape the horrors of the "real world" (no, not even the MTV version of The Real World, which has nothing whatsoever to do with the "real world," at least as I know it), nor am I attempting to revert back to the glory of Undergraduate days, in which the nearest smoke-able substance/party/concert was a phone call away, why oh why am I subjecting myself to the humiliation of applying to said Queste (and most likely contributing to the amusement & laughter of Senior Knights of the Adcomm Round Table)????

Yes, well, hmm.

That's a good question. Truly it is. And it's also one of those questions that you really have to know the answer for before beginning the application process***. My answer is relatively simple, at least in its core:

I can't imagine doing anything else for the next 30-40 years. While the Holy Grail is the PhD itself, it's what comes after I find it that really gets me all riled up and fluttery with excitement. I want to teach. And research. And bury my nose in 700 year-old manuscripts and examine their marginalia, while passionately debating the niceties and nuances of Gawain's chivalrous character in English Romances, vs. how boorishly he is portrayed by the French**** (of course, the French would take the Best of Knights and insert that pansy Lancelot instead, I mean really, who goes stark raving mad in the woods just because that spoiled Guinevere cuts him off????). I hope to inspire Freshmen to adore the English language (and inspire upperclassmen English majors to concentrate on Medieval and Early Modern literature, of course). This is what I love above all else. And attaining the Holy Grail will enable me to do what I love for the rest of my life*****.

Of course, this is still not enough of a reason for some. Doing what we love for the rest of our lives appears to be  small-time compared to retiring with a boat, five houses in the Caribbean******, a Castle in Scotland (perhaps even a bought hereditary title to go along with it...), and possibly a small south American country that was for sale. Obviously, compared to that, a life thanklessly toiling away in academia, flunking freshmen and fighting with scholarly presses about the exact deadline your latest book must be published by, seems insignificant. And since my particular field of literature doesn't exactly save lives (unlike medical research doctors, for example), there isn't a lot of altruistic "saving mankind" reasoning behind it. Except that maybe there is. College for me was a wonderful experience, not because of the smokable substances/kegs, but because I learned how to use my mind, and I found out that I love to learn. If I can give even just a portion of what I received to just 10 students in my entire career, I think I'll feel good about it. I may not save lives, but I just might save some minds from the abyss of the lowest common denominator. I might just get them to really think, analyze, and critique their surroundings and their lives. That's a lofty enough goal for me.





* I really mean it. I finished my last draft of my honors thesis at 5:00 AM the morning it was due. And I still check my student's essays the morning of the class, poor things.
** not that Academia isn't the real world. There are plenty of deadlines, pressure, climbing the academic ladder, backstabbing, and University Politics - yes, it deserves the capitalization -  to contend with in an Academic's career. Not to mention the Publication & Conference Rat-Race. My dad is a professor at Brown. I know.
*** Or your SOP will end up reading like Old French Merde.
**** For those who have no idea what I'm talking about, no matter. You'll hear about it a lot if you continue reading.
***** Obviously, this is assuming that I get a tenure-track job after the Holy Grail has been attained, which in today's academic job market is no certain thing....
****** Of course, no one mentions the bleeding ulcer, kidney stones, and 2 heart attacks that precede this type of retirement.