The Two Headed, Fire-Breathing Dragon and other Magical Creatures

Now that my scrolls of intent have been sent off for review by my most revered and toughest professor from Undergraduate Knight Training, I can now apply myself to the extremely risky task of tacking the Two Headed, Fire Breathing Dragon (i.e. Ye Olde Writing Sample). This Fire Breathing Dragon does not seem to have a vulnerable spot in its gonads like other dragons*. In fact, it appears to be armor plated all around, which personally makes me want to hide in a very small ball, and read Get Fuzzy comics (Bucky Katt is officially my new hero) instead of actually picking up my sword and tackling the beast (yes. I am the first to admit to being a coward. Not a particularly Knightly trait, but it keeps me alive).

My writing sample focuses on issues of chivalry in Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. It was supposed to be based on an undergrad close reading paper I wrote a very long time ago, but recent reading (Maurice Keen's Chivalry, specifically) has turned my original idea upside down, and now my fire-breathing dragon is turning somersaults all around me and making me very dizzy. Originally I thought that the precepts of Chivalry were revoked, that Gawain failed. Seems that now, I think that the chivalric tradition was upheld perfectly and it's not Gawain that's necessarily flawed, but chivalry itself**. Also, an article I read about the connection between the collapse of the Templar order and SGGK has actually ended up linking this particular area of research to my overall theme - the Matter of Britain and the Crusades. So basically, now I have to write the entire thing from scratch. Which means that the dragon, formerly having only one head (aptly named Revision), has grown an additional head (aptly named Original Scholarship). My one and only head is swimming.

Unfortunately, writing a 15-20 page research paper on one's own is not an easy feat. It is a task fit for seasoned knights, who have been slaying dragons and rescuing damosels for quite a while. Especially since this paper must be publishing worthy so that those nitpicking senior Knights of the Adcomm Round table won't laugh at me for my presumption. I must demonstrate original thought (i.e. perhaps a new dragon slaying technique, or a clever variation of someone else's dragon slaying technique), excellent writing skills (any dragon slaying treatise must include strong verbs and clear, forceful writing), and discourse with current scholarship (i.e. how does my dragon slaying technique dialogue with other Knights' techniques). While I do have some access to research materials (thanks to UMass who have yet to revoke my student account to the library, I have full access to JSTOR and the Literary Reference Center for articles), I still don't have full access to a library. Anything published in the past four years, I can't really get my hands on with ease, meaning that some of the most cutting edge dragon slaying techniques are out of my reach at the moment. It's also not easy working solo, without a class or a Professor helping a knight-in-training along. While I do have readers for my paper for future critique and evaluation, I'm still extremely nervous of embarking on this part of the quest on my own. I would give my right arm for a scholarly Gawain at my side, guiding me on my path, and nudging me here and there, especially right before I'm about to fall off my Palfrey Mare and make an utter fool of myself (this has been known to happen on a number of occasions. And let me tell you, it's NOT EASY getting back in the saddle in full armor!).

The task of attacking the two-headed, fire-breathing dragon will begin this upcoming Wednesday (after an afternoon vocal choir concert) and will probably continue for the next two weeks for the first draft. Obviously, I've already researched the topic copiously, but I still have two books to finish reading, and many many articles to skim through and see if are relevant to my thesis (which hasn't quite been defined yet). I honestly think I've forgotten how to do this. It's been nearly a decade since I last sat down and wrote something purely scholarly. I'm hoping that the language comes back to me at some point. Otherwise, this project will end up sounding very juvenile.

Montfort Castle

The two-headed, fire-breathing dragon is not the only thing on my mind, however. A certain pesky, annoying creature (perhaps a pixie, or an elf of some sort) named the CV has been prickling my conscience as of late, which means I must start dealing with it over the next day or so, and get a good solid first draft out as soon as possible. While I have written resumes for the job market many times, this is my first real academic CV. With the teaching experience I've accumulated over the past two years, and 2 (yes, TWO!!) lectures presented at conferences (so what if one of them was FantasyCon Tel-Aviv 2007??), I may actually have some "meat" to place in it, rather than just fluff (i.e. how to transform 6 semesters on Dean's List, graduation with Honors in the department and Distinction in the university, and membership in National Golden Key Honors society to a brilliant sounding academic career). Another magical creature pestering me by whispering sweet nothings in my ear is the leprechaun of the Diversity Statement/Personal Statement, in which I am required to display my worth as a human being (specifically a diverse human being, and not just another white-upper-middle-class, well educated knight-errant), and what personal revelations led me to pursue this Queste (i.e. I taught myself to read dragon-lore at the age of four from Sesame Street and The Electric Company, I continued to demand books in English even after moving to a different country and studying in a different language throughout all my school years, and I started reading Shakespeare at fourteen, for some odd reason). The method for conquering this type of leprechaun is to focus on being bi-cultural and how my Israeli background can actually help me pursue my studies (after all, I have visited the city of Acre several times, and my parents live 30 minutes away from it, and only 10 minutes away from the Montfort, an old, crumbling, 12th century crusader castle that resides on top of a hill that is just as crumbling as the castle), and obviously, how being bi-cultural is beneficial to the cohort I will eventually join. I also think I should mention that part of my particular brand of diversity is about sniffing books as I take them out of the amazon.com box, however, I worry that this particular tidbit isn't that diverse, only very very strange, odd, and geeky to the extreme.

A dragon-slayer's work is never done. And since the CV pixie has decided that this very moment is ideal to jump up and down in my hair while yelling war cries in my ears***, I should probably go deal with that. Right. At Once. Immediately. Just... right after the next Get Fuzzy comic (from March)!



* For the full treatise on the Caring and Capture of dragons (Swamp and Magical), see Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett.
** Truthfully, I'm not really sure what I think. I keep changing my mind on this matter. I probably won't really know what I think until I'm done writing.
*** It is thought that pixies are a dark blue color, since the Picts (whom they are supposedly named after) colored their faces in some type of blue coloring. I, however, can reliably report that pixies, when angry and yelling war cries in ears, are, in fact, purple with blue hair. I'm sure that if Captain Kirk would have encountered a female pixie during his travels aboard the Enterprise, he would have romanced**** it/her.
**** i.e. had sex with, including cheesy dialogue.